This is a file photo:

This message really got me, truly I feel for her.

She is one of my blog readers and she needs our advice very urgently.

According to her (Name withheld):

"I really do love him, he's not a bad guy at all. He's just selfish and I'm pretty resentful about a lot of choices he's made.

"I really feel like we're roommates often and we don't share common interest any more. How in the world can I get that butterfly feeling back? Does any long term married couple still have that feeling?

Please all, let's advice her, I believe we have people who have stayed in a long marriage. She is in need of our advice. 

END.

Use the comment box. She is here to read comments and take a stand.

People who can go out on date after date, never once doubting who they are, are incredible. For those with anxiety, like me, dating is a terror.

Sometimes I even think of myself as a masochist, because going out and meeting new people, trying to find something in common, and hoping they enjoy their time, is nothing but stress and discomfort.

5 Warning Signs Dating Is Triggering Your Anxiety

Still, you can figure out your own ways to cope with that anxiety. But there are some signs that show those coping methods are not working effectively, or that dating is triggering your anxiety, like the following:

1). You start overanalyzing everything

Whether it is the first date with someone or the tenth, anxiety has a special way of making you listen extra hard to the things they say verbally and physically. You begin to pick up on the little clues that might not even exist, like than slight downturn of your partner’s lips or the way they furrowed their brow.

You start to read into the words, hearing statements that they did not say. This is not just generalized nervousness. It is your anxiety causing this uncertainty.

2). You bottle up thoughts and feelings

There will be times when your partner tilts their head and asks what you are thinking about. When you suffer from anxiety, what is wrong is a loaded question. The answer is a swarm of angry bees raging inside your skull.

You do not know how to express what you are feeling and worry that what you say is going to make them dislike you somehow. So, you simply say you are fine or skirt around the truth to hide your feelings.

3). You fidget and are unsteady

For me, when I am suffering from anxiety, I am the epitome of a fidget spinner. I twitch my legs, scrunch my toes and fingers, twist my hair around my fingers, and do other kinds of odd ticks.

Then there is the moments when I go completely still, because it is my mind that is dissolving into dust. I can’t see clearly, so I avoid the other person’s gaze until everything goes back to normal.

Of course, this is often perceived by the other party is disinterest, boredom, bitchiness, or something along those lines. And even if they do not see it this way, anxiety makes me believe they are having a worse time than I am.

4). You feel painfully insecure about yourself

Most people with anxiety suffer from a severe lack of self-confidence, because it is common to question oneself repeatedly. Do I really like that? Why did I say that? What’s wrong with me? Who knows, you may even completely forget what your hobbies are, all because anxiety is lurking around the corner and mugging your thoughts before they can arrive.

And if you are fortunate enough to make it past the first or second date, the further your anxiety is triggered, the more you’re going to wonder exactly what makes this other individual so attracted to you. In a moment of insecurity, you may even assume that it is because they pity you.

You may find yourself in a crowded room, holding their hand, and yet while you should be incredibly happy, your heart is pounding against your ribcage for a different reason. Something about it just feels out of place.

Yeah, whispers Anxiety in your ear, you are what’s out of place.

5). You suddenly want to push them away

I’m guilty of this one; and I know many anxiety-riddled friends who have the same problem. Anxiety makes you fear commitment to the nth degree. See, beyond all the questioning, doubting, fearing, and overanalyzing, you are meant with a paralyzing deduction that either this person has a malicious ulterior motive or that they are simply too good for you and deserve better.

When your anxiety has been triggered, you are going to begin assuming that your date is eventually going to tire of your problems. You are going to begin fearing that everything you put them through because of your anxiety is going to drag them down and make them miserable. You want to hold on, to seek comfort from them… but then you go and do the opposite.

You start to become colder. Anxiety makes you say, “It is not you, it is me,” and you push them away.

These are five signs that your anxiety has been triggered by dating. Though the modern dating scene is already a minefield, anxiety adds bombs dropping suddenly from the sky.

Do not lose hope. One day, you will find the person who knows how to take your anxiety and negate it. Though anxiety is hard to control, have faith in knowing you are beautiful and can overcome the challenges.

Guest post: by Valerie Taylor

Most time couples fails in appreciating their partners unconditionally, which in return brings a lot of differences in the marriage. Having a blissful marriage doesn't just happen, it takes commitment and love to make it work.

Being happy couples are the epitome of romance, if you can't be happy on the inside, there's no way you'll be able to rub any of that happy aura off on other couples,and once you know how to really be happy, it shows that your marriage is blissful one.

Here are few things you can do to have a happy and blissful marriage.

1). Support Your Spouse

Being supportive plays a major role in every marriage, the first step into marriage is "support"Encourage your partner in every step they take and advise them rightly if the needs arise, supporting them shouldn't only based in the financial aspect of it but the emotionally,spiritually, physically, psychology and moral part of it. Share your view on their new ideas and advise on how to achieve their dreams.

2). Communication

Keep communication open, poor communication in marriage is great affects to the marriage be free to share your view on your spouse decision and opinions, Discuss your fears with them, if you notice some changes in your partner don't hesitate to discuss it with them and know the reason for sudden changes. If you both are working always try to know the challenges your spouse are facing at work and discuss how to overcome the challenges.

3). Be Romantic 

Being romantic is not about having amazing sex or night out, it goes beyond that, Spend qualities time together and try something different, if you're known for always having a romantic dinner outside try it out at home, prepare your spouse favorite, decorate the dinning with some candlelit and some velvet flowers in the bath tub for romantic shower. Go on vacation, go to beach, try new styles of sex. You both can pick a particular books and read it every night before going to bed.

4). Be Prayerful

Prayer is the utmost key to a blissful marriage, a home build and guide with prayer can never be destroyed in a day. Learn to be prayerful  and powerful spiritually, draw your spouse more closer to God, plan on how the daily devotion will be in your home, share and discuss some verses in Bible together because a family that prays together stays together.

5). Don't Compare

Comparison is one of the key to marriage destruction to a fast growing marriage. Never you compare your partner with someone's partners. Every family has one issues or the other,learn to admit and work on your family.

Relationship is not a bed of roses, at times conflict may arise but the way we handle it is what makes up super partners, or should I say some pros in a relationship.

As a lady, I have past through abusive relationship, and that is one of the real reason why I set up this blog.

I have come to conclusion that since I suffered such abuses in my previous relationship, then I need to take a precaution and help others on how to solve their own problems in a relationship.

If you have a problem, kindly make it open and let you and your partner discuss it, I have compiled five simple but wisdom ways to handle such conflicts when it arise.

I recently read a post on Readers Digest platform, and I indeed, digested all that I read, I put it to work and it worked for me, I guess it will also works for you.

Below is the five ways to solve problems in a relationship

1). Describe the Problem in a Few Words — and Let Your Partner Respond

This part is extremely important because the opening round in problem-solving involves getting your overview of the issue out on the table. Don’t let it smolder or expect your partner to guess!

Example:
You: “If we go to your parents’ house for the weekend, I won’t be able to get our tax return information together before the workweek starts.”

Your spouse: “My parents have been planning for this visit for months. I don’t think we can or should just cancel.”

2). Decide if you’ve got a problem or just a difference.

If an issue isn’t threatening your health, safety, or financial security, doesn’t work against your shared vision for your marriage, and doesn’t put an unfair burden on you, then it may simply be a sign that the two of you are two different people.

Perhaps you’re an extrovert and love parties, while your partner’s introvert personality makes him or her crave quiet nights at home.

Perhaps you’re great at starting projects, while your partner’s terrific at sticking with it until every last detail is finished. Or maybe one of you is a morning person, the other a night owl. In that case, the solution is acceptance, not trying to change your partner. Look for the ways that your differences are marriage-strengthening assets.

3). Pick the right time.

Problem solving is least likely to work when you’re tired, hungry, overloaded, stressed, distracted, or trying to do something else at the same time, such as making dinner, catching up on work from the office, or relaxing in front of the TV. Save big talks for a better time.

4). Practice loving acceptance.

Learning the art of accepting and valuing your partner for who he or she is — instead of grousing about shortcomings — may actually help the two of you find better solutions to problems, experts say. This loving accommodation melts defenses and motivates us to want to please each other.

5). Give your mate the benefit of the doubt.

The next time you’re feeling disappointed, hurt, or angry with your spouse, pause before jumping to conclusions.

Maybe your spouse is tired, hungry, or preoccupied — or doesn’t see the impact of his or her actions. Search for a benevolent explanation that will allow you to treat your mate with love and respect.

I believe the above five tips will help you solve your relationships problem.

Breaking up is always hard and it’s a thing most people aren’t likely to talk up. For a long time I, like any other person, considered my failed relationships to be totally uncomfortable thing, resulting in the feelings of uncertainty, sorrow and guilt.

Lessons I Learned from My Recent Failed Relationship

But when I split up with my boyfriend I started thinking about what I could learn from my failed relationship instead of suffering and feeling helpless. I looked at the situation from another perspective and saw so much wisdom in it. Here are 8 lessons I learned from my recent failed relationship.

1). He won’t change

This is the biggest illusion I cherished throughout our relationship. I don’t mean I wanted him to be someone else. But there are always things that annoy you or irritate or just make uncomfortable. After some time of being together I realized that all those cute drawbacks about him turned out into real headaches. You know, when you learn to accept instead of expect you will have fewer disappointments. And I couldn’t accept a lot of things about him and I was trying to change him. But it didn’t work. Either you accept the person or leave him.

READ ALSO: 14 Signs that You're In An Abusive Relationship

2). …neither will I

And that was his turn to get disappointed. It’s difficult to reach a compromise, especially for two grown-up independent individuals. I understand that any relationship will be successful without concessions but very often girls and guys have a totally different idea of what a relationship is. And that was my case.

3). Common goals

Antoine de Saint-Exupery once said, “To love is not to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction.” I cannot but agree with his words since it’s the basis of any strong relationship. And it’s really disappointing when you discover that your partner intends to create a family and live happily when you want to travel, party and develop your professional potential. If the two have different goals, it will be difficult for them to start a family together.

4). Personal boundaries are important

Personal space, interests and me-time are extremely important to both of you and when a person thinks that you belong to him it’s a big problem. When you are committed to someone you want to know everything about this person. But I had an impression that I was always controlled by my beloved. I failed to set my personal boundaries and as a result our relationship collapsed. But now I know for sure that I will never tolerate controlling my incoming calls and messages or checking the list of my friends and intervening in my private space.

READ ALSO: You Can Get PTSD From Staying In An Abusive Relationship
5). Job

Admittedly, dating a guy means you spend a lot of time together. But when he’s working all day long every day and you see him on Sunday evening only, it can get a bit irritating. I also love my job and I’m often called career-driven but my job isn’t the first priority. I always have time for my friends and parents and will always have time for my partner. Now I know perfectly well that if his work is more important to him than anything else, our relationship won’t be worth pursuing.

6). Happiness is a choice

I accepted this idea many years ago but still I consider it worth talking about. We are often looking for that special guy to make us happy or to improve our self-esteem but in reality happiness comes from within, not from men. All my relationships were unsuccessful because I thought that I couldn’t live without a man. In fact, I can feel happy alone, but I feel happier with a man I love and who loves me.

7). The lust will pass away

READ ALSO: 6 Abusive Relationship Quotes You Should Read

We love the feeling of butterflies in the stomach, we love talking for hours at night and dressing in order to impress a man. But this stormy period cannot last forever and sooner or later we face the real human with all his imperfections and flaws. For me it was always a great problem to be open for 100 percent since there is always a fear of being judged and rejected. But when you can share the good, the bad and the ugly with your partner, true love takes place.

8). Keep your private life private

Your Twitter and Facebook followers do not need to know that you are in fight. Even the most severe quarrel doesn’t give cause for airing your dirty laundry. Another thing you should keep silent about is your exes. Mere suspicions can develop into a real paranoia, which happened to me. If I knew these simple tips earlier I would have avoided most of the problems with guys.

Apart from the fact that failed relationships give the fear of heartbreak, wasted time and energy, they teach us a lot. When dating someone, you learn a lot about yourself and life and you learn to see the positive in everything. Failure is not a negative thing, it’s just one more lesson you should learn.

What lessons did you learn from your failed relationships?

By Helga, writer at Amerikanki.com

While we are talking about how to walk out of Abusive Relationship/Marriage we least forget that it takes courage and strength to say goodbye to the love of your life.

Faliana Lee | Credit: twitter

The story you are about to read is written by Jasmine Narin, a stepmother who loves her stepson unconditionally. She is about to tell us how she met her Man, Andrew, and how she learnt the joys and struggles of being a parent.

The truth is, not every lady can do what Jasmine did, she is worth to be our guest today.

Read her story below:

Photo: Jasmine, Antonio and Andrew

I met my partner at the gym I was going to, we were both participating in "6 week challenge" which consists of training five days a week and eating nothing but meat chicken fish fruit and veggies for 6 weeks.

I always thought that nothing would eventuate from he and I's encounters and just assumed he'd remain eye candy at the gym for me.

He was gorgeous, with a kind smile and warm brown eyes that just unstitched me.
He always looked at me with a genuine excitement to see me but never flirted with me . Just participated in conversation like two good friends. A true gentleman.

Until one night during one of our "ordinary" conversations he asked me out to dinner.
The rest is history.

Also Read: Why You Should 'Date Someone Who Treat You Like Shit'
Andrew is an amazing boyfriend,
He's a relentless hard worker, laser focused with a huge soft spot for his son
And God bless him, for me.

He is thoughtful and loving,
Strong and protective.

Andrew is one extreme to the next conditioned to strive and provide on his own for his son.
I'm in love with him because he is an amazing father, because he has this childlike spirit and a sweet and beautiful soul.

Almost from the very beginning of our relationship we had to go through a large obstacle to do with our little man, that I can't share here, But I will say that this obstacle is what strengthened us as a unit and bonded all us three closer.

Made us all realise how much love we really did have for each other.
But this topic is about being a parent to a child who didn't grow in your womb but in your heart. And I hope our story is some help to you.

I always enjoyed kids. I do it for a living.

I'm a childcare educator with an undying love for the development and education of children. And an eternal appreciation of how enriching and rewarding being able to work with children is. So considering working in childcare for many years.

I always thought I'd knew exactly what it'd be to be a parent.
I was wrong.
Being Antonio's parent is what taught me.

Also Read: 14 Signs that You're In An Abusive Relationship
Now being his parent is something that came over time. On my account.

Antonio is a special case where he was craving a mother figure in his life. So not long after meeting me he

became very attached. It was as confusing as it was wonderful.

Giving my time and love to him came easy.

It's the controversy of becoming his "Mum" that made things confusing.

Not only did he see me as a mum, I became his fulltime carer,

If you told me 2 years ago that I would be a fulltime mum to an 8 year old I wouldn't have believed you.

But here I am. And I love every minute of it.

Now the topic of conversation is how to have a good relationship with your partner with a "stepchild" involved and to have a good relationship with your "stepchild"

Now I personally believe if you are interested in someone who has children, you need to be prepared to take the child/children on 100%

They aren't just a part time thing, They are your boyfriends/girlfriends world. That child comes before everything and yes that means you.

So unless you're going to love or at least try to love the child as much as your partner does. I wouldn't waste your time.

Now I don't have much experience when it comes to children who aren't fulltime with the partner but I do have some things to say about my son Antonio that I hope will help you in whatever situation you are in.

Antonio might as well be a teenager
He is brilliant
He always pushes for more even after he's gotten what he wants
He eats like a king but will insist he's starving and ready to throw any family member under the bus for not feeding him even if they actually have.

He'll avoid homework and chores at all costs
He will struggle through a meal or refuse it based on the fact that it's not visually appealing or contains a specific ingredient that he knows you are aware that he dislikes because he has told you several times for future reference,  So therefore gets genuinely offended that you even placed it within his eyesight.

He absolutely hates authority of any form

That he forgets he's 9 and he tells a teacher to "Cut the attitude out" with him, for asking him to do his school work.

Worst of all
He ALWAYS finds the Nutella no matter where I hide it!
And manages to finish it off within two days MAX!

It's easy to get frustrated with Antonio,
But what stops me from being in an endless loop of pointless back and forth
Is Antonio
All of him

Also Read: You Can Get PTSD From Staying In An Abusive Relationship
He has the biggest heart I've seen in a child that has the ability to endure so much heartache and still be so forgiving and loving

Oh his love
It is the grandest love I've ever felt

He is over top with the affection and emotion with me.
That I look at Andrew sometimes and think, "Why don't you tell I'm beautiful and you love me so much and you think I'm the coolest" 15 times a day or more on the weekends.

I still remember the time Antonio sat by me protectively staring down paramedics when they were administering my crying screaming ass with morphine.

He was unnerved by my crying and completely focused on watching these foreigners that dared to prod me with sharp needles let alone touch me in the first place.

He stayed with me while I was in hospital despite my efforts to make him go home to sleep and not have to sit in an uncomfortable seat for hours on end.

But the thing with Antonio is, even though he's such a sweetheart for me and always listens or at least begrudgingly (when it comes to chores and self hygeine)
Once he's made his mind up, He's determined and stubborn, he's not going.

He yelled at Andrew that "You and I are not abandoning mum"
My mum was there just in shock at him.

Andrew ended up arguing with him enough to leave, once daddy hits the switch on tone, there's no challenging him. Haha see? And I wonder where Antonio gets it from.

Antonio is amazing,
He is generous
Loving
Affectionate
Thoughtful
Intelligent
The list goes on forever
I'm in love with him
He is undoubtedly my son.
Even if I didn't give birth to him

I have this unnerved and stone hard protection and love for him.

Every child is different, they all have their own set of quirks, strengths, flaws that they need someone to think is amazing.

I will admit that I've been drained, exhausted and depleted learning how to be a mum to Antonio.
But seeing him thrive, grow and become a stronger wiser little human is enough to look back on my sleepless nights and hard days and know they were necessary.

Being a "step mum" "adopted mum"
Is a brave and hard journey,
But I do promise the amount of love that comes out of the little ones is all worth it.

And the only real advice I can give is,
Always put the child first,
And if you're there for good,
That's your family now. Most of all,
Be fearless. Love always wins.

Story by Jasmine Narin - A Stepmother, whose love for her stepson is everlasting.

Have a story like this? Send it to my email: queenjeenyfb@gmail.com

Thanks for reading, please kindly drop a comment.

Every woman has a past. Some were physically abused. Some had violent parents. Some had pubertal issues. Some had sexual abuse as a child from their own family members. Some had messed up love stories. Some had been forced into sex in the name of love.

Some had been drugged. Some were date raped. Some had been viciously photographed on bed. Some had been blackmailed by their ex-boyfriend. Some were in an abusive relationship.

Some had menstrual problems. Some had a broken family. Some had a divorce. Some had an obesity issue. Some had financial droughts. Some had drug or alcohol addiction. Some had a few unsuccessful suicide attempts.

If you see a woman, who went through any of these but had already wiped her tears, tied her hair up, masked her sorrows with a divine smile, stood tall and strong, started walking towards her future because she still has some hope left inside her and has not given up on the concept of love that still exists in this world, do not stab her with her past.

Do not confront her. Do not slap her with more abuse. Give way for her and walk beside her. May be hold her hands and walk for a while. You'll know how sweet that soul is and how strong her hopes are! You'll be amazed at how she carries herself after all her energy has been sucked out.

She need not always be only the woman next door or from a different home. She could be your own friend, your own sister, your own girlfriend, your own wife, even may be your own mother. Do not judge her by her past. Gift her the peaceful future that she deserves. Hold her hands against the world, which knows only to judge.

Give her the love that she always yearned for.

Love respect women.